There’s No One I’d Rather Be Than Me

WARNING: This post contains statements which may not be suitable for innocent Wreck-It-Ralph audiences. Parental, spousal, whatever type of guidance is advised.

 

Have you ever wished you were designed differently as a person? Maybe if you had a different temperament or a different occupation at this stage of your life right now, you would be a happier and more fulfilled person?

Ralph of Wreck-It-Ralph did.

Ralph: good guy disguised as a bad guy

Disney’s latest animation delves into the occupation of Ralph as a wrecker in the arcade game, Fix It Felix Jr. and the loneliness that goes with it. With his abnormally gigantic fists, Ralph boxes bricks and windows of a condominium and throws bricks at Felix Jr. who is programmed to, surprise, surprise, fix Ralph’s wreckage with his magic hammer. Ralph’s job wouldn’t be so bad (and lonely) if it were not for the fact that after a game, when Felix receives his hard-earned medal, the citizens of the condo lift Ralph and throw him down the dump. That happens at every single game no matter what level the player (human, of course) reaches. Thus if 8 players play the game on average and each player reaches at least 3 levels (assuming all levels are successfully won), Felix gets 24 medals a day, and Ralph wrecks and gets thrown in the dump 24 times as well.

courtesy of Google Images

To make it even more lonely, when the arcade closes and the games are over, Ralph heads over to the brick dump, or garbage, and lives alone, while the condo’s citizens live with the very much praised and admired Felix Jr., who gets his daily servings of compliments and warm pies.

Provoked by his loneliness and the spiteful attitude of the condo citizens against him, Ralph vowed to win himself a medal just like Felix Jr. even if it meant breaking game protocol. In the games, it is impossible for the bad guys to win medals since they were reserved for good guys. Ralph had had enough of being a bad guy. He wanted to be good and win a medal. He wanted to be praised by the members of his game and served pies. He yearned to belong.

As I watched Ralph’s (literally) animated life unfold before my eyes last Sunday afternoon, I realized I shared his sentiments. It’s not the loneliness or the spiteful attitude of the people around me, because, by God’s grace, people treat me kindly.

It’s the fact that, once upon a time, I did not like the way I was “programmed.”

To answer the question I posed at the beginning of this post: Have you ever wished you were designed differently as a person?,

my answer would be a resounding “yes.”

After reading Beverly LaHaye’s book, The Spirit-Controlled Woman, I found out that God blessed me with the melancholic-sanguine temperament. Among my favorites of the descriptions of a MelSan person are: “one of the most gifted of all the temperament blends;” “usually does well in academia;” “she can sway an audience with her charm.” (In other words, a drama queen. Haha!) Although my temperament is blended with sanguine, which is extrovert, I am mainly a melancholic so I am still considered an introvert. Gifted as I may be, I easily get depressed because melancholics are wired to be so deeply emotional. We take our emotions and thoughts seriously. We think about our actions even after we’ve done them and worry if they’re not right or appropriate. Sanguines are our exact opposites. If a sanguine student recites the wrong answer in class, he won’t care (or at least dwell on) the embarrassment it caused. A melancholic, on the other hand, would slap himself (at least mentally) for answering so stupidly and would vow to never, ever do that again, or at least think twice before answering.

I used to hate the fact that I’m not as friendly as my sanguine family members and friends, such as my mom. She magnetizes people instantly–from the vendor at the wet market to the vice president of a company. At a party of her close friends or her own, she adds life, laughter, and camaraderie. When we hang out together, there are no dull moments–except maybe for the silence that ensues once our threader begins to thread our eyebrows; she sleeps, while I wince occasionally in pain.

My Mom is also one of the few people who never, ever gets insecure about their looks. She usually gets teased as fat, obese, and plump, but not once did I see my mom sulk, cry, or even frown. She responds with a smile and a witty remark while holding her portly tummy: “Dapat lang! Malaki investment ko diyan.” When I get called fat, I wish I could  also smile and reply wittily. In reality, I get sad. I get frustrated because I overate again the other day and went through a week without working out. Sometimes I don’t get sad at all because I know it’s not true, but sad or not, being called fat is a big deal to me. Well, was a big deal. (ngayon small deal nalang :D)

There came a stage in my life–a difficult and tearful stage, I must admit–when I disliked the temperament God gave me. I reasoned that it was the wheel behind my “inability” to allow myself to easily create deep bonds with people so that I’ll be part of their circles and not be left alone during lunchtime. Don’t get me wrong, people don’t intentionally avoid me or reject me; it’s just that, I’m the type of person who doesn’t push herself to be part of a group that doesn’t invite me in. In other words, I often lack initiative. I attributed that lack to my introverted temperament which in turn made me hate myself and my “program.” Just like Ralph wanted so badly to be “good,” I wanted to be an extrovert, more of a people person than an observant bystander.

As I sought the Lord and His will for me, He changed my heart of stone into a heart of flesh so that I may gratefully accept the program He made and gave for me.  According to LaHaye, falling into a black emotional hole is a negative tendency for melancholics, and the best way to avoid that tendency and turn it into a blessing is by practicing gratitude. Moment. By. Moment. “In everything give thanks,” God said in Philippians 4:13, “for it is the will of God through Christ Jesus concerning you.”  As I sought the Lord, He showed me one of the reasons why He prompted me to put up this site, The Lifeline: that I may list all the blessings that God sends my way and thank Him for them. This blog reminds me of Who my God is, what He has done, and what He continues to do in and through me–and overall, that leads me to discovering pure and lasting joy.  🙂

Wreck-It-Ralph made it to my top favorite movies of all time because it reminded me so much of my journey to accepting the way God programmed me. The way we are programmed–our ancestry, parents, genes, background, temperament, etc–cannot be changed. We can only accept it or reject it. Moreover, acceptance can either be grateful or spiteful. Just like Ralph, I choose grateful acceptance of my program. When Ralph failed to gratefully accept his program as “the bad guy,” one disaster upon another followed his tail, almost costing him his life (i.e., game over). The  times when I pretended to be someone I’m not were my most miserable and lonely experiences. Erasing gratitude out of the picture means erasing joy as well.

By my Father’s amazing grace, I have come to terms with my temperament and my body. At times I still struggle with conflicting emotions and insecurities, but my God gets me through them at the end of the day through prayer. How about you? Have you gratefully accepted the unchangeable program you’ve been endowed with? Have you come to terms with your negative tendencies and sought practical ways to turn them into blessings? The only way you can be happy the way you are is by realizing that the One who created you fashioned you so uniquely to serve a unique purpose. We stand equally before our Maker as persons and beings, but we stand differently as our selves. He loves you as much as He loves me, but He loves you differently. My needs are not met the same way yours are. I’m still baffled at those facts, but I am just grateful that I don’t have to worry about that because my God’s got me all covered!

I pray that if you haven’t gratefully accepted your program that one day, you will, just as Ralph and I did. Ralph affirmed his acceptance by wholeheartedly declaring what is called as “The Bad Guy Affirmation:”

“I am bad and that’s good. I will never be good and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be than me.”

I am Jenny, an imperfect MelSan, and that’s good. I may never be as extroverted as I wanted to be and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be than me.

And there’s no one you should rather be but Y-O-U. 🙂

Mac’s lipsticks are fabulous
sans make-up after Insanity. O___O

Dreams Come True When You Trust in Him

2 months and 6 days. Has it been that long since I updated this blog? It seemed like forever.  Anyway, I’m back!! 🙂

I’m still alive, in case you guys are wondering. 😀 School demanded so much of my time, energy, emotions, and not to mention money the past 2 months. Finally, after more than three months of grueling research, quizzes, papers, exams, and commuting, I welcome sembreak (semestral break) with open arms!!!! #cometomama

Now that I’m on break from seemingly inexhaustible deadlines,  I shall refocus my attention on my beloved Lifeline–starting with the post that has been calling out to me since June: my trip to New York City and other places, last summer (springtime in the USA), in celebration of my 18th birthday. Yes, I blew my candles this year. YAY! 😀

Last 2004, May-June, Dad, Mom, my two brothers, Josh & James, and I spent our vacation in the US for the second time. The plan was for us to spend a few days of our 6-week stay in the city that never sleeps, along with Mom’s sister and her husband. To say that I was stoked was an understatement.

However, because of problems with the availability of my uncle and whatnot, our trip was cancelled. My  hopes of setting my eyes on the colorful electronic billboards in Times Square were dashed instantly. My heart was crushed.

Fast-forward to 2012. Mid March, my parents, especially my Mom, were excited to celebrate my 18th birthday in May, otherwise known as a debut. Debuts are a major celebration in the Philippines, much like Sweet Sixteen in the US. It  is seen as a transitional activity, as a young female moves from clumsy teenage-hood to classy womanhood. Well, at least that’s seen as the first step. Anyway, going back to my story:  my relatives and friends are all eager to celebrate my 18th year with me. It’s not unusual. People you know look forward to picking out an outfit according to your assigned theme or motif, girls especially. Those who have experience in debuts–as a planner, guest, or celebrant–probably wanted to have their share in my program. Did I mention my Mom was really excited to throw me a birthday bash? She sat me down one morning and told me to type the details of the debut: guestlist, decorations, venue, caterer….all that event planning shiz. Everyone was eager to partey!

Everyone but me.

I’m one of those girls who want to spend their 18th year differently, and by different I mean NO BIG PARTIES. Don’t get me wrong, I love parties! In fact, I’ve had my share of birthday parties when I was growing up. However, my mind and soul enjoyed different things now. Before, I was enthralled at the fact that my relatives and friends would give me presents wrapped in colorful glossy paper and played parlor games with me, or that I was going to swim from 10 AM – 3 PM at the swimming pool of a nice hotel. That was when I was seven, ten, fifteen.

At eighteen (actually at seventeen), I wanted to travel. I wanted to board a plane in Manila and after a few hours of flying, get out of the plane and see a totally different city thousands of miles away from home.

My Mom already applied for a US visa last February, and because God granted her one, she planned to leave around March and return just in time for my supposed debut. However, one Sunday, God must have worked His magic in her heart because she noticed that I wasn’t as eager as she and my Dad were about the birthday bash.

“Why don’t you ask Dad to just let you go to the US with me? If that’s what you really want. All we want is for you to be happy.”

Will I be happy if I go with her? It’s like asking Julia Child, if she were alive, if she was any good at cooking.

Dad said yes to my request to go with Mom to the US, but on one condition.  If my visa application was denied, I wouldn’t have a birthday bash. This made me quite anxious because being granted a US visa in the past doesn’t always guarantee an approval in the next application.

So I applied for a US visa and scheduled an interview. I hoped for an interview around mid-April so that Mom and I can leave immediately. But guess what the earliest schedule was?

June 14th.  That was the first day of classes.

I cried. Let me correct that–I lamented. I wanted to travel so badly, and now my chance of doing so were gone.

“Call out to Me and trust Me,” Jesus spoke quietly in my heart.

“But…it’s just impossible, Lord! The date that I prayed for has already been fully booked. Why do I always have to cry every time I celebrate my birthday?”

“Nothing is impossible for him who believes. Do you trust Me?”

And trust I did. By God’s grace, He gave my Mom wisdom so that my schedule would be expedited.

To cut the long story short, several days later, on April 23rd,  I was scheduled to be interviewed at the US Embassy in Manila city.   Six days after my interview, Dad and my uncle brought Mom and me to the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. Eighteen hours after our arrival at NAIA, Mom and I landed safely at LAX. Four days after our safe landing in LAX, our plane flew us safely to New Jersey, and from there, we took a bus to New York City. ❤

Nothing is impossible for him who believes!

WARNING: Photo flood ahead! I think I’ve explained enough. I’ll just continue later. =)))


I really feel like Mac Taylor and I have a connection. Or any of the CSI: NY team. #fangirling

The following day, we boarded a boat and headed to Ellis Island, where Lady Liberty stands. She’s so…huge. Haha 🙂

post-processing of this photo by my Dad, who was back in Manila then with my two brothers during our 5-week stay. I really, really wished they were there with us, but Dad had work he cannot leave behind. Boo 😦

Mom and I maximized the use of our scarves! 😀 It was quite chilly even in the spring time, at least for Asian tourists such as myself.

God was just so awesome. I thought the only new & unique place I would visit over the summer was New York City. Mom and I also got to visit Chicago & Washington D.C., among other places. How cool is that? 🙂


Formerly called the Sears Tower, the Willis Tower is a skyscraper in Chicago. *cue Demi Lovato song here* haha. Okay ang corny ko. Next!

Also went to where this scene was shot


This was where Channing Tatum & Rachael McAdams sealed their wedding vows with a kiss–in character, of course–for The Vow.  Since my own Channing Tatum is still in the making, I just jumped in front of the bean. 😀 Haha! This is located in Millenium Park. That bean is one gorgeous piece of architecture!

We also dropped by the Obama’s crib.

and visited good ‘ol Abe, too. 

the Pentagon as well, which was bombed during the 9-11 attack. The name that you see there is just one of the many names of the people who died there at the Pentagon on that fateful day. The birthdays of the victims were also etched on the floors (some on the benches), and some of them were children as young as 5 years old. 😦

Part of my prayer request when I went to the States was to escape the intense summer heat in Manila and enjoy the cool spring time weather in the US. I wasn’t told that the climate in the east coast is way colder than that of the west which I think is because of  the Atlantic ocean (see body of water behind us). We were so cold that after taking pictures we ran inside the casinos (we were in Atlantic city, New Jersey’s mini Las Vegas), walked to Starbucks and ordered hot chocolate. 😀

I am blessed to have many relatives living in the US who are so generous and kind enough to spend their time, money, and presence with their extended family. I especially missed my cousin, CJ, because we grew up together! It’s been 2 years since he moved to Cerritos. Akala ko may accent na pag kinausap ko eh. Thankfully he prefers to remain true to his native tongue 😀

no vacation would be complete without shopping. This was the only photo taken of us shopping (well at least a decent one) since we’re too preoccupied with trying all the good stuff we saw, including our family and friends who owned the cameras! 😀

Ate Selah treated us to the Niko Niko restaurant–authentic Japanese and delicious sushi! I’m not a fan of Japanese food (except for teriyaki and tempura), but when I tried their dishes here, I changed my mind. If ever you’re in the Cerritos area, go check out this restaurant and order Monkey Brain. Sounds gross, but it tastes really good! So diba nag-plug ako. Ano ako brand ambassador? Chos!

For the 3rd time, I went to Disneyland with my cousins from Mom’s side, Ate Charlene and Kuya Matt. I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow my love for theme parks, especially one as huge and unique and totally awesome as Disneyland. No one is too young or old for one of the happiest places on earth! 😀

One of the rides you HAVE to ride on at the California Adventure Park is the Mickey Mouse ferris wheel–that round ride with Mickey’s face in the middle. When you do, make sure you line up for the swinging gondolas. You might think it’s scary up there, but I tell you, you will have the ride (and for us, the greatest laugh) of your life. Seriously. Take my word for it. 🙂

Disneyland is known for its evening shows. When we were there, World of Color was showing. It was awesome! The interplay of water, light, and sounds created lifelike images of different Disney characters against the black sky (because it was evening). The show was so cool! (well almost everything in Disneyland is cool, even their utensils and napkins. Haha) Although we were several feet behind the “wet zone” we still managed to take a light bath. Eh naligo naman kami nung umaga.  😦 😀

Aside from CJ, I also bonded and hung out with my cousins (ates and kuya) Trisha, Charlene, and Matthew. I find it amazing how you can easily connect and really enjoy spending time with people you haven’t seen in four years. I’m really thankful that I have the best cousins who are so fun to be around with. I know people who won’t even talk to their siblings, much more their cousins, and that’s really sad. Big Bang theory, Total Blackout, Impractical Jokers, and Filipino food made our moments funner. 😀

the last thing I did before flying back to Manila was hiking for 2-hours all the way to the top of the Hollywood sign, although we didn’t actually get near the sign because it’s illegal. This is the most exhausting and at first, hated activity I ever participated in in our entire trip. Nevertheless, I am grateful for the experience. I needed the exercise after eating so much. I ate so much I gave birth to two pairs of twin food babies.

5 weeks passed by and ended so soon, but I was grateful for everything that happened there. A lot of other activities happened in between, but I’m afraid I don’t have the pictures to show you exactly what happened. Aside from visiting east coast cities, I had other firsts during that trip: first time to ride a local plane 4 times in 1 week; first time to hike; first time to shop in H&M!; first time to cook adobo–because if you’re like me who gets tired eating burgers and craves for “real food,” you would cook Filipino ulam (viands) to satisfy your palate. So I did. I’m so glad it was successful! My lola would have been proud.

It was also my first time to travel out of the country with just one parent. My Mom was amazing the entire trip. She rode the swinging gondolas with us (me & my cousins) even if she’s not really into rides, and she’ll tell you that riding the ferris wheel was one of the highlights of her trip, too. She bought me the food I wanted. Although my Dad wasn’t there (which explains for the not-so-good-quality photos), I felt his presence with us especially when I saw things that reminded me of him. 😉

Although I really wished my Dad and two brothers were around, I am grateful that I went to the States last April and fulfilled part of my dream. I do wish I  got to watch a show on Broadway, visit the Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art, or jog around Grand Central Park, but I am still thankful to Jesus, then my parents for making my dream come true. One day, I know I’ll go back to New York–maybe work there, or study, or just do the things I was unable to accomplish last summer. I can feel it. I fell in love with that city, and I am determined to go back. One day, in God’s perfect timing. 🙂

I used to think that God would only answer my prayer requests that concern His “work” like ministry and Gospel sharing. Sure, He answers those requests, but God is not KJ. He wants us to be happy; it’s part of His good and perfect will for us. We just have to trust Him to work things out and fulfill our desires for us in His proper time, because only then will we be truly happy. 🙂

I want to thank the people who made this awesome trip possible, as well as those who accommodated us: the Talam family, Robrigado family, De Guia family, Mom’s cool high school friends, De Vera family, and of course, my parents, Dad and Mom. I pray that I, too will be used by God to fulfill your heart’s desires.

“Taste and see that the LORD is good.  Blessed are those who put their trust in Him!”

– Psalm 34:8

Emotional Roller Coaster

In the second TVC of Jzone Wired Camp (which was awesome by the way, more about that soon), I went all out in saying that I am a blogger. Since that video was posted on Facebook and aired in our church’s Sunday service, people never stopped addressing me as “The Blogger.” I’ve never felt more compelled to blog! I should have just said writer. That way a 3-week “leave of absence” can be justified as…well, an absence. #ansaveh

I apologize for failing to update The Lifeline regularly. I think I’m having my busiest, craziest, not to mention HOTTEST summer of my 17 years of existence (which will soon be 18. Yay). When adults (especially my aunts) remind themselves of my impending debut, they always tell me, “Aba! Dalaga ka na! Hindi ka na bata, ganap na dalaga ka na. San ang party?” Um actually po pag twenty-one ko na gustong samantalahin yung pagiging dalaga ko kasi surfboard pa rin dibdib ko (unless yan na talaga ang tinadhana sa aking ng aking Manlilikha) at hindi pa po ako marunong magmaneho. Party? Tinatanong niyo po ba kung may kakilala akong caterer para pag sinurprise niyo po ako at least man lang kahit pumalpak ang program at walang dumalo, okay ang food ? Italianni’s po okay lang? #uyjokelangto

Anyway, back to now. Last Monday, I came home from the Wired Camp. It was life-changing! Really. It was also my most memorable camp to date. Not only because I experienced God in a whole new level. Certainly not because I met a guy who swept me off my feet and promised to wait for me until God says yes. (Gosh that would be kilig but really scary. A Walk to Remember ba ang peg ng buhay ko kaya pinapa-aga ni Lord ang pag-meet namin ng GB ko? haha)

It was the first retreat when I came home not feeling so okay. Actually, I was not okay. In fact, if anyone asked me if I had fun during the camp and the bus ride going home, I would immediately burst into tears.

Don’t worry, I was not bullied physically, verbally, or emotionally. My body was sorta bullied with food, though, and it was the only type of bullying I’ll ever enjoy. What went wrong?

After reflecting on my life during the camp, I realized the negative emotions I felt and sins I struggled with–loneliness, envy, self-seeking shyness–were merely the overflow of my lukewarmness prior to the retreat. Intimacy with anyone, whether it’s God or your Mom or your spouse, requires a daily effort to go deeper with a person. I allowed the fleeting pleasures of this life to fill in the gap that only the Diving Being could fill. And that, my friends, is a very stupid, foolish, and crazy decision. If you have experienced what I’m saying you could bear with me. I just proved to myself that I am human when I did such a stupid thing. Thankfully, my God ain’t stupid and He certainly won’t give up on me.

Remember my post on the 3 reasons why you should attend Wired camp (or any other Christian retreat for that matter)? If you don’t, do check it out. Basically I outlined 3 reasons why a college student should sign up for a retreat even if he does not know anyone. I am starting to learn that the things worth spending your money, time, and energy in are those that are very purposeful and soul satisfying. Did I do my post (and self) justice with the 3 reasons?

YES.

I may have cried–lamented–before my God, but I  found rest. Physically I was relaxed because the weather was very cool and so unlike the 39-degree Centigrade temperature here in Metro Manila. I may not have found all the answers to my questions, but I did find answers. When I asked God what was wrong with me, He told me that I needed to stop looking in myself for the answers because it’s futile to look for in a place that’s obviously empty. What I needed was HIM–His presence, His filling–Him. Just Him. I also found love. During the second night, I talked with a good friend of mine, Billie, and she encouraged me greatly. Also the girls who were under me (because I led a small group) encouraged me by listening and simply being there. A lot of times I don’t ask for answers from people; I just need their ears and heart. 🙂

Right now if you ask me if I’m okay, I’d say no. I’m doing great! I’ve learned (and still learning) that emotions will always fluctuate. You have a choice whether to let them reign supreme or to let yourself reign supreme over them. I serve and belong to a God Who is greater and more powerful than my emotions, positive and negative, Who understands my weaknesses and loves me still. Right now if you’re feeling down, depressed, or on the other side of the line–extremely happy and excited–fret not. Cry it all out to Jesus; share your laughs with Him. You’ll be amazed at how He will fill your heart with peace and joy incomprehensible. 🙂

Pictures, quotable quotes, insights, and other updates on my life shall be posted soon! I also have to tell you guys something but I can’t disclose everything right now. 🙂 But please do pray for me. Just pray for God’s approval. If it gets approved (or even denied, it’s okay), I’ll tell you all about it. Right now I have to go to sleep! 😀

Honorable Dressing

What to wear? What to wear? What to wear?!?!

This question haunted me, reminding me of the fleeting seconds and minutes, as I stood in front of my opened closet, still deciding what to wear. I’m one of those girls whose wardrobe is somewhere between plain Jane and Jane Aldridge of Sea of Shoes. I am also one of those people who thinks about his or her outfit before going to bed so as to avoid wearing the same top and bottom as last week. I plan carefully, but not to the point of being OC.

Okay, maybe a little.

Anyway, for some reason, I discarded my plan Friday night because I felt the heat seep through my skin’s pores Saturday morning; my outfit in mind would make me sweat like a hog. After three minutes or so of choosing, wearing, rejecting different outfits, I finally chose the “perfect” outfit: a loose blue-and-yellow blouse, thin, brown leggings, and brown-gold sandals. To complete the outfit, I borrowed my Mom’s brown Longchamp bag (oh wait the sandals are hers too). Pleased with my look, I rushed outside to say goodbye to my parents and ask my Dad for the remaining balance of my allowance.

Dad, Mom, and my uncle who just arrived from the US were having breakfast when I approached them so I hurriedly kissed Mom & Dad goodbye. As I was walking to the door, I stopped short in front of the master’s bedroom which had a tinted sliding door and looked at my reflection. You look pretty. Okay now leave. My brain programmed Feet to brisk walk alternately–that was, until the command was interrupted by my Mom’s exclamation:

“Shi! Look at Jenny’s blouse! It’s too short!”

*by the way, Shi or Suishi is my parents’ term of endearment for each other. Carry on.

Immediately Dad shifted his attention to my midsection all the way until the bottom, then looked at me knowingly. Before he could even comment about my blouse, I filled in. “But the blouse is long naman. Is this short?”

Dad, as he always did, commanded me sternly: “Jenny, change that. Wear jeans. Or change your blouse. The blouse is not that long and that (pointing to the leggings) is too tight. Remember, you’re commuting.” (Commuting simply means I shall travel via public transportation. That means I get to sit beside and travel with people I don’t know…men I don’t know.)

I seriously wanted to blurt out a “Thanks a lot, Mom” right there and then but my uncle was there. Actually, even if he wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have done it because I would immediately be reprimanded, and worse, forbidden to attend to any of my plans for that day. Once more I tried to defend my “perfect” outfit, but my Dad was not to be moved.

“Change it.”

I returned to my room and shut the door behind me. I re-evaluated my outfit. It wasn’t kinky or showing too much skin–not a bit. In fact, my legs were concealed and my chest was covered completely (there was nothing to show off anyway; I have a surfboard with me). He should visit our youth group one time and see the girls there wear shorts. Now I have nothing against shorts, but I don’t wear shorts to church. I reasoned, “If other girls could wear shorts and still not look bitchy, then surely I could wear leggings–clothes that completely cover my legs!”  No matter how many reasons I can come up with to show how unreasonable my parents were being, however, I still changed my outfit. I still wore leggings (I already wore jeans last week), but my top was obviously longer and had longer sleeves. If he tells me to change again,

table flipping like a boss

Thankfully, my outfit was approved.

But because I hardened my heart and valued pride over honoring my parents, I left out house resentful and pissed that I didn’t get to wear what I wanted to wear. My past bratinella took over, and I submitted to her constricting regime (at least for several minutes).

Why am I sharing to you this incident? There are a few reasons actually. This is enough proof to show that preaching “Honor your Dad and Mom” to Sunday school kids is wasted unless you actually honor Dad and Mom whether you feel like it or not. I knew God was testing me, and initially, I failed.

As I processed my emotions on the road, I humbled myself so that I can hear what God had to say. What was wrong with me, God? Was it pride? Oh you bet it was! But my problem, my sin, ran deeper than pride. (Not that pride is bad enough, but it wasn’t all pride)

Who were you trying to honor when you chose that outfit?

I wanted to shut my ears to that question, but I knew God wanted a reply.

“Um, the people in church, I guess.”

Before my outfit outrage, I had my quiet time and I read the following passage from Proverbs 3:9:

“Honor the LORD with your possessions, and with the firstfruits of all your increase.”

I wrote that verse on my journal, word per word, and below it, I wrote a practical way to apply this verse. Guess what I wrote: Dress modestly.

Now don’t get me wrong: my outfit was not immodest, but it was not modesty at its best. I suppose if I wore that outfit during a family reunion, my Dad would have permitted me because he was there to watch me and I was with my close family members, not mere acquaintances. As I slowly allowed God to take my pride down, I saw where my Dad was coming from. That moment when I incorrectly justified my “right” made me doubt his goodness.

Three lessons I learned from “outrage,” and I hope you would too, especially if you’re an adolescent female:

  1. Honor your Dad & Mom even if you don’t feel like it. The long, full life that God promised (see Ephesians 6:1-2) is a daily experience. A lot of people live long lives, but unfortunately, they are full of misery and pain. Why? Well probably, along the way, they dishonored their parents (or standing parents), and that mistake brought with it grave consequences. Don’t wait until you suffer the consequences of disobedience & dishonor.
  2. Learning a Biblical command means you will most likely be tested in that area. Was it coincidental that I was tested on honoring GOD with my body? I think not. Although I failed the test initially, because I humbled myself, God honored my humility and “passed me” with flying colors. Thanks, Papa. 🙂
  3. Dress to impress your Creator, not your fellow creature. While this may not apply when you’re joining a fashion face-off or a beauty pageant, it applies to your everyday dressing. This lesson actually goes deeper than external appearance; it deals with heart issues. Girls and boys, when choosing an outfit especially if you know your Christian brothers and sisters will be present, ask yourself these questions:
  • Is my blouse too tight? How about my jeans/leggings/skirt/shorts? (for ladies) when I bend, are my breasts showing? (cleavage as well) 
  • Will I be able to show myself confidently to my parents and get their approval? If I’m not as confident, what is the reason behind this?
  • Am I wearing this to honor my Creator or my fellow creature?
You may say, “I don’t see anything wrong with trying to impress the person I like. It’s not as if I’m enticing him/her to have sex with me. I just want him/her to notice me.” I agree with you. I have this sentiment, too. Pray to God for discernment regarding this matter. If you’re going to serve in ministry, then desperately wanting to impress your crush is not recommended. Remember: God looks at the heart. 🙂
In a society where posing nude in a magazine cover is not only accepted but applauded, it surely is difficult for girls (and guys) like me who want to stick to the Book because we believe in the promise it brings. What is the promise? Verse 10 of Proverbs 3 reads:
“It will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones.”
We place such a high premium on health, but we don’t do our part of the bargain. Always keep in mind your part:
Honor God with your possessions.
Honor Him with your ALL. 😀

On Delay & Learning It The Hard Way

If there’s one lesson I learned the hard way this week, it is this:

Do not delay doing the things that you can finish today.

What if paramedics stopped over in a convenience store to grab something to eat instead of heading straight to a car collision scene? What if a weather forecasting agency decided to announce a strong, impending typhoon a day before it wiped out a city? What if Jesus arrived one year late because He wanted more time to prepare for His hard life on earth? Delay does not travel alone. It carries with him uneventful or even downright painful consequences for the one who bears him and those who have been robbed of time opportunity because of him.

When you attach delay with obedience, it sounds even more awful because it equals a grave and serious sin. Delayed obedience is disobedience, my parents always tell me. I used to ask myself, “Why is this so? I mean, it’s not that I’m not going to do what I’ve been told to do.” As I grew older, I learned that obedience consists not only in doing what you have been told to do, but in doing what you have been told to do at the prescribed and desired time by the commander.

Sadly, even this post is a product of delay. Not that I really owe anyone an apology for not posting for 2 weeks since this is my blog, but I did not listen to my gut feeling when it told me to post an entry. A woman’s gut feeling is right 99% of the time (based on experience), but because I mishandled precious time, I “disobeyed” myself.

Another product of delay (that I am still working on and paying the price for) is a video for a special someone. Not a romantic special someone, but a blood-related special someone. Today I was having thoughts if I should even continue with the video, but then again, I thought, better late than never.

I may suffer from acute tardiness (delay’s alter ego), but I consider myself utterly blessed because I belong to a God Who does not delay. A God Whose timing is impeccable; He is neither early nor late, but arrives on the scene at the exact hour, minute, second, and nanosecond that He planned. He does not schedule His day or race against time, rather, time submits to His plans. He did not put me on hold when I cried out to Him for help. He did not think twice in sending His only begotten Son to earth when it was time for Him to go.

If my Father does not delay, why should I? I must learn to be a good steward of time–His time. And I will. I don’t promise perfection, but I do promise diligence & resistance to complacency. There are activities that can still work out even if they are delayed. You can still shed off excess weight by proper diet and exercise today even if you failed to do them in years past. Others, however, don’t share the same privilege.

Would a doctor still be needed if he is one minute short of meeting the victim–alive?

“You may delay, but time will not.”- Benjamin Franklin

PS: I want one of these! Serves as a reminder for procrastinating folks like me.